Sales Is Like Dating—Shut Up and Eat Your Spaghetti

Seven years ago, I made my first sales call. I was nervous, I had butterflies, my hands were clammy. I remember talking a lot, and that the more I tried too hard to be funny and redirect the conversation, the more I lost my prospect. I remember clumsily asking for a second meeting and the prospect assuring me they would let me know.

And that was when it hit me. That first call was no different than so many of my first dates, no different than the nerves of trying to impress, talking too much for fear of silence, and waiting for that text that would never come.

I learned a lot from that call, and I have learned a lot about dating since. Seven years later I realize I would have saved a lot of time in both if I realized just how similar the two are, and how I could have used all of my worst dates and experiences to close more deals and make more money.

But my pain is your win, and your sales (and maybe dating) are about to get a heck of a lot smoother, faster, and better. It’s storytime.

DELILAH

Delilah was my kindergarten love. If you watched Coach Carter, then you’ll understand my homage to Delilah. If you haven’t watched it, there’s your sales homework for the week. The way he coaches is a great way to coach young sales professionals: a lot of toughness, a lot of love, and a lot of success.

Speaking of love, Delilah. Delilah was a talker! She had a bigger vocabulary than any kindergartener I knew, or still know (although admittedly I don’t know many more now than I did then) and she could even pronounce, “walrus,” without issues (I had an issue with r’s and w’s, walrus was cruel and unusual punishment).

With my slight impediment, and her wondrous vocabulary, it was a relationship of one-sided conversations. She loved to talk, and I loved to listen. I learned so much about her and she didn’t need to know a thing about me. We were sweethearts all year until the first grade. She went to Libertad Elementary, me to Carlos Local. We were six. We didn’t have phones, my family didn’t have a computer, and that was the end of our love.

Cue my first sale. It was so easy; I remember thinking I was the best Girl Scout salesgirl reborn again (Before I got into writing about sales, I did sales for a medical news company). I hopped on a call with the CEO of my company and the CEO of another, said a few pretty words, the other CEO talked a bunch, and said he’d like to buy our services.

I didn’t realize my boss had already known that, and that it was more of a roleplay than an actual sale. Much like with Delilah, I got my first taste, and I thought I knew it all.

PATAGONIA

Patagonia was from Argentina. She came in the fourth grade (a year after I had cured my speech impediment), barely spoke a lick of English, and I had found a love for speaking that still hasn’t gone away. She was the best kickball player in our grade (they do love soccer down there), and I was enamored. I remember asking her to sit with me for lunch.

When she said yes, I was so excited. We sat down, and I talked. And talked. And talked. Even when she tried to speak, it took so long for her to get going because she was learning the language that I just rumbled on. She left me mid-lunch. It was not the last time I messed up a romantic interest.

Cue to my next two months with the medical news company. I was hopped up on my horse about how easy sales were, and spent the next two months speaking over clients, telling them how wonderful our product was, and why they needed to buy. I made no sales, and the CEO of the company actually pulled me aside to tell me to put a sock in it. He told me the first sale was his own creation, and that I could learn something from it: I do a lot better when I shut up.

BE QUIET

We probably have all been on dates or with friends or even at work where we feel someone is dominating the conversation. We have a few things we want to say but cannot get them out. We leave feeling unheard, and sometimes even like we don’t even know what they said. It was either nonsense, or we simply were thinking so much about how to enter the conversation we spent no time listening.

Let these asshats (can I say asshat?) be your lesson. Let my loss with Patagonia serve your future. Let my boss’s sublime advice sit with you. Put a sock in it. Dating and sales are the same. You want to learn about the other person to see if they are a good fit. You also want to show them why you are a good fit if you’re interested.

But often that starts with listening rather than talking. On a sale, if you try to talk about how great your product is, you are essentially guessing at what the client may want. You can’t possibly share every aspect of your product in twenty minutes.

On a first date, you can try and talk all about yourself, share your life story, every detail from your kindergarten love to your last sale, but you won’t have the time, and you may share nothing interesting to your date. Listen. Wait for something that resonates, and then link it to yourself.

THREADS

When you are on that first discovery, the best way to be interesting is to know what they need, and the only way to know what they need is to put a sock in it.

When you listen, there will come a moment. When you look into the eyes of your camera as you sit on this virtual date, when you get butterflies in your stomach, and you want to tell your mom that you found the one.

Your prospect (like a first date) will say something that rings so true, that hits so close to home that you will have no choice but to know that you want to stick to that topic, that you identify with it, and can talk about it. They will tell you about an issue that they have with their current supplier, their current product.

Your date will tell you about an issue they have with their roommate or boss.

You’ll know exactly how to solve the issue they are having with their product, and because you do your research and are knowledgeable about your product, and you’ve done question trees, you’ll know exactly how to respond and show you are not an asshat, but someone who knows how to help, and this speed and knowledge will increase their trust.

You will be able to share with your date a time you had the exact same problem with a roommate and how you solved it. They will feel you are so responsible and wise, they can’t but help to trust your judgment and admire you.

ADMIRATION

If you read last week’s blog, you know I’m a sucker for cookies and people who can draw inside the lines. I admire people who have things I admire or strive for.

The same goes for dating and sales. People want to work with or date people they can trust and admire. People they feel will help them when they need it, listen when they need it, and have solutions that are minimally expensive when they need it (yes, in dating too).

So, this week, when you’re on a discovery call, or work call, or even talking to your family, put a sock in it. Listen to their problems, find somewhere you have understanding or experience, and share it. It’s the best way to start a relationship of any kind, and I promise, by trying to listen just a bit more, you’ll have a lot more time to talk.

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