The Sales Skill You Didn’t Know You Were Using

There is something that you do already, subconsciously, that provides an edge in sales. This sounds counterintuitive—if everyone is already doing it, how does it provide an edge? And if it’s subconscious, can we even control it?

I’m talking about mirroring. While mirroring is something we do without noticing (much of the time), some people do it better than others and some do it more than others. And while we do it naturally, it’s still something we can pay attention to and improve. When done skillfully, mirroring can increase your persuasiveness, your attractiveness, and your bottom line.

WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT MIRRORING?

Mirroring is when an individual subconsciously mimics the behavior of another person—their gestures, attitude, or speech pattern. It happens all the time in social interactions even though neither the individual mirroring nor the one being mirrored even notices. It is an innate trait among humans (and other primates) that allows us to understand how another person is feeling and helps to establish trust and rapport between two people.

We don’t all mimic others equally well, however, which may explain why some people interact and connect with others more easily. We know that extroverts generally have higher-quality social interactions which help them build rapport, but for a long time we didn’t know why. Researchers measured eye contact, smiling, and openness between individuals and found that there was no significant difference between introverts and extroverts.

Scientists at Duke University think they have solved the introvert/extrovert puzzle. They found that when individuals were asked to cooperate with a partner in a word game, extroverts exhibited significantly more mirroring behavior. Interestingly, without the prompt to cooperate, introverts and extroverts exhibited the same amount of mirroring behavior. So, when extroverts want to get along with another person (like when they are trying to impress a date or make a sale), they subconsciously do more mimicking.

Should you only hire extroverts from now on? No. Should you encourage your sales team to intentionally mimic customers and prospective clients? Definitely. Studies have shown that, when mirroring is done well, waitresses get higher tips, sales reps achieve higher sales and better evaluations, students convince more peers to do their homework for them, and men view women more favorably in speed dating.

NOT TOO MUCH AND NOT TOO LITTLE

Notice the caveat that I included—when done well. Don’t mirror someone so much that you’re not acting like yourself. Think of mirroring not as acting like someone else, but as taking postural and vocal cues from another person. Maybe you’re naturally loud and boisterous, but you’re meeting with someone who is quiet and reserved. You shouldn’t suddenly become quiet and reserved, as this would be completely inauthentic, but you should tone down your enthusiasm.

Mirroring others well can help put them at ease. I had a graduate school advisor who was rather intimidating. Think Abraham Lincoln with more hollowed-out cheeks. When I met with him, I was uncomfortable. My normal chatty, smiley self became even more chatty and smiley due to nerves. He would just sit there and watch me as I spoke. He never cracked a smile. He never altered his stiff posture. Just one look of mild amusement would have made such a difference.

MIRRORING IN THE TIME OF COVID-19

Skilling up your mirroring might feel impossible right now when you’re not even in the same building with your prospects and their body language, but mirroring doesn’t only work when you’re meeting in person. It can work for nearly any kind of communication. Whether you’re on the phone, on Zoom, or half of your face is covered with a mask, mirroring can be a powerful tool.

ON THE PHONE AND ON ZOOM

Even when you’re not together, and even when you can’t see the other person, mirroring is still an effective tool. Vocal tone and pace account for 35 percent of what is expressed in conversation, according to psychology professor Albert Mehrabian. Pay close attention to these when you’re on the phone or can’t see someone’s body language cues very well.

More specifically, pay attention to the quality of what’s being said (casual or formal, use of slang or industry jargon), how loud your counterpart is speaking, the length of time they speak, pacing of speech, and emotion. These are all characteristics that you can assess without seeing anyone.

WITH A MASK

Right now, even when we are in the same space as someone else, we’re wearing masks. This creates another barrier to mirroring, as well as an overall communication hurdle (see sidebar). Pay attention to the same verbal characteristics you would listen for on the phone. In addition, follow your partner’s overall body language and mirror it back to them.

It might seem odd that something primates do instinctually can give you a leg up in sales, but it’s because the act of mirroring is so deeply ingrained in our biology that it’s so powerful. We like people that act like us. When we see someone mirror our behavior, the areas of the brain activated are the same ones that process rewards and make us feel good.

We might use advanced methods to improve sales like CRM systems and SEO optimization, but at the end of the day, we’re still primates who want to be liked. Basic human behavior isn’t going anywhere, so best use it to your advantage.

WHAT IF YOU DON’T MIRROR WELL? PRACTICE!

The good news is that, even if you’re an introvert, you can improve your mirroring skills. More than anything, you just need to remember to do it. In fact, when MBA students were told to mimic their counterpart during a sales exercise, even though it was just before a negotiation and they had no time to practice, their sales outcomes improved by 400 percent!

Rather than waiting until the last minute, it’s best to get in some practice before an important negotiation. The great thing about mirroring is that you can do it with anyone. Practice at home with your family or with coworkers. The main hiccup to watch out for is overdoing it. Don’t copy absolutely everything your counterpart does, and never mimic one of their nervous habits.

Mirror, mirror: reach out to mastery@maestrogroup.co to secure the loveliest sales of all.