Today I Am Thankful that Nobody Is Making Me Write in a Gratitude Journal

“Thanksgiving is the most psychologically-impactful holiday we have in the U.S.”

There are two ways you can read that sentence. You can interpret it the way the writers of “Thanksgiving Is a Time for Gratitude” intended—that practicing being grateful has been shown to have many psychological benefits, and here’s an entire holiday dedicated to just that. Or you could interpret it the way I did—we’re going to need to purchase more wine to get through this, because Thanksgiving is the most psychologically-impactful holiday there is.

When we planned our blogs for this month, we thought positive psychology would be a great fit. We’d take a look at what science tells us about how to be happier, what we can do to find more meaning in our lives, how sales professionals can apply these lessons on the job, and then we would neatly cap it off on Thanksgiving with a blog about how showing gratitude makes people happier and there’s no better time to start than now.

As we’ve explored the topic, however, we’ve learned that it’s more nuanced than we had realized. Positive psychology, like any relatively new area of study, has its share of critics. Many of the findings come with caveats as to why certain practices might not work for specific groups of people.

And now here we are at pandemic Thanksgiving number two, and honestly, it seemed disingenuous to write a blog suggesting that gratitude is your key to happiness. Because the science isn’t simple, and because holidays can be hard. So, we’ve decided to take a more nuanced approach ourselves.

Expressing gratitude is wonderful. It carries with it a lot of benefits for both the person saying the “thank you” and the person receiving it. But will writing what you’re grateful for in a gratitude journal every day solve all of your problems? No. Should you feel bad if you don’t feel 100% positive going into the holiday? No. Does being positive mean you should aim to get rid of any negative thoughts? No. Should you have another piece of pie? Always. That was a trick question.

YES, GRATITUDE IS GREAT

To begin, let’s look at what the research says about gratitude and its benefits. There are many, to be sure.

Physical Benefits

Psychologists at the University of California, Davis, and the University of Miami asked participants to write about things they were grateful for each week, things that irritated them, or things that had affected them (with no mention of whether these things should be positive or negative). Those who were asked to write about what they were grateful for, even 10 weeks after the study ended, exercised more and had fewer visits to physicians.

A study analyzing 1,000 people found that those who were more grateful also had fewer aches and pains and felt healthier. Research has also found that those who are more grateful have higher-quality sleep, are able to fall asleep faster, and feel less tired during the day.

Psychological Benefits

Besides the physical benefits associated with gratitude, there are a number of psychological benefits that have been reported as well. Those students who exercised more 10 weeks after writing down what they were grateful for? They also reported higher levels of optimism and reported feeling better about their lives. Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, found that those who write letters of gratitude reported feeling happier for a month after the letters were written.

Couples who take the time to express gratitude for each other feel more positive toward each other. What’s more, they feel more comfortable talking about concerns they have about their relationship. Another study of 815 undergraduates found that gratitude was linked to higher self-esteem and lower rates of depression.

Social Benefits

Finally, research has shown that expressing gratitude has positive benefits for your social interactions as well. When you express gratitude, others perceive you as being a good potential friend and are more likely to seek out your friendship.

Evolutionarily this makes sense, and evolutionary theorists believe that giving and gratitude are linked. Think back to our cavemen ancestors—those who participated in the cycle of giving and gratitude were more likely to survive.

GRATITUDE JOURNALS FOR EVERYONE?

So, what’s the problem? It sounds like I can just keep a gratitude journal and I will be healthier and happier. Maybe? I just think it’s important to look at all of the factors that might be at work.

Some of It’s in Your Head (and Your DNA)

It’s important to keep in mind that much of the gratitude research has been conducted with otherwise healthy individuals or with people who are writing down what they are grateful for in addition to receiving counseling services. This is just to say that while gratitude can be wonderful, each person’s specific situation is different and can impact the results of what gratitude can provide. Misplaced gratitude and invalidation of negative feelings can be harmful.

While gratitude can be practiced and improved, it should be noted that we’re not all starting from the same point. In fact, at least some of our disposition toward being grateful is likely genetic. Identical twins have been found to have more similar self-reported levels of gratitude than fraternal twins. There are also at least two different genes that have been found to have an impact on people’s experience of gratitude.

Further, those prone toward more gratitude have been found to have more gray matter in the right inferior temporal cortex of the brain. Other studies using magnetic resonance imaging have shown that brain activity differs between those showing more gratitude and those showing less.

How You Practice Gratitude Is Key

I like the way Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, describes what being grateful is all about. “Gratitude,” he says,” is the brain’s ability to find meaning in whatever environment you find yourself.” He goes on to say, “What really makes someone grateful is the ability to scan for multiple, varied, and non-obvious things, even in the midst of stress or change.”

Shawn Achor’s version of gratitude gives space to those of us who might not be feeling 100-percent positive about things, but who are still incredibly grateful for a sister with whom we can laugh about the situation, or the fact that it’s not an election year so nobody will try and bring a cardboard cutout of their favorite candidate to the Thanksgiving table. (Yes, that really happened. Yes, it ended as badly as you imagine it did.)

When considering the process of expressing gratefulness, it should also be pointed out that it’s not a competition. In other words, “at least I don’t have it as bad as so-and-so” is not really expressing gratitude. Instead it’s not allowing yourself to have negative feelings because somebody has it worse (which is an example of toxic positivity).

Positive psychology has a lot to offer. The studies that have been done on gratitude and the importance of expressing it and receiving it are insightful. Being thankful and being thanked are powerful. All people need to feel both agency and community in their lives, and the words “thank you” speak to both of those needs.

What I think we need to keep in mind is that we all begin our gratitude journeys in different places, and there is nothing wrong with that. One of my favorite authors, bloggers, podcasters…people, really, Nora McInerny, explains how I feel better than I can.

“I’m not that positive. I’m not! I’m happy, but the word positive triggers the exact opposite reaction in me. Tell me to look on the bright side and I’ll close my blackout curtains in defiance…

I’m not that positive means I’m not that kind of positive.

And I’m really not that negative, either. I exist in real life, inside of a real world where things are simultaneously difficult and wonderful and where the full spectrum of human emotions is available like an all-you-can-feel buffet (please take a clean plate every time, even though it does seem wasteful).”

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I truly appreciate each and every one of you (just don’t expect me to write about it in a gratitude journal).

Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for getting in touch with us at mastery@maestrogroup.co to schedule your training!