This is the fifth installment in a five-part series about communication.
June 08, 2022
By Rachel Smith
When my daughter was 18 months old, she had her first seizure. Of everything that I remember from that event—high fever, ambulance ride, tests—what stands out to me the most was the sound of my husband’s voice when he said my daughter’s name. My husband is one of those even-keeled, unflappable people. I am whatever the opposite of that is. Flappable? I am highly flappable.
On that night, the pitch and tone of his voice was so unlike anything I had ever heard come out of him, that it jolted me to my core. So much was revealed, not in the words he was saying, but in how they sounded. I was simultaneously terrified and acutely aware that I was now the adult in charge. It turns out that, while I can freak out over just about anything (and often do), I handle honest-to-goodness emergencies quite well.
My daughter is 12 now, everything is fine. We have all resumed our normal roles of me freaking out that I accidentally may have offended someone at the grocery store and my husband talking me down from the ledge. I haven’t heard his voice do anything like that since and hope I never do again.
We all instinctively know why I immediately knew something was wrong that night based on the pitch and tone of my husband’s voice, but what’s the science? Let’s talk paralanguage!
This month our Maestro Mastery blogs are focused on communication, and specifically on what we tell people via different modes of communication, some of which we might not even be aware of. Last week we discussed body language, and this week we’re delving into voice communication, because it’s not just what you say, but how you say it.
While many species communicate through vocal communication, we humans are the only ones with a spoken language. How we got to this point is still largely unknown. Did language gradually develop or happen suddenly based on a genetic mutation? Did it begin with a form of sign language or not? One thing we can be sure of is that the evolution of language happened alongside other methods of vocal communication that we relied and continue to rely on.
Today, we lean heavily on text and email, but for most of our human history, communication through our voices was all we had. Recent studies tell us that people feel significantly more connected with each other when they communicate through voice-based media versus text-based media. Despite this fact, we often let fears of awkwardness push us away from reaching out to people over the phone, especially those we haven’t spoken with for some time. We instead depend on text-based media and are left feeling less connected than we could have.
You might expect to feel more connected to someone you can see, but it turns out that even just our voices play a critical role. Even without any visual cues, our voices seem to be integral to bonding.
Hearing someone’s voice does so much to reveal how that person is feeling and what they really mean. Just consider a phrase as simple as “thanks a lot.” This could be said sincerely, like when you are given something you truly appreciate, or sarcastically, like when someone gives you a back-handed compliment. The same words are being used, but we know they mean different things. So, what is it that tells us the difference?
The way we can interpret which “thanks a lot” someone means is through what’s called paralanguage. Language refers to the actual words being used. Paralanguage refers to absolutely everything else about the way it’s said—inflection, tone, rate of speech, pauses, body language, volume, and pitch.
Paralanguage can modify the meaning of language and provide nuance. When there is an upward inflection at the end of a sentence, we know that it’s a question. Generally, if someone is not changing their level of inflection, they are bored or disinterested.
Paralanguage often lets others know our emotional state. When we are angry, we tend to get louder. When we’re scared, the pitch of our voice tends to fluctuate. Traits like politeness, sincerity, and sarcasm are all largely determined by one’s tone of voice.
Paralanguage can impact the meaning of words in many ways, but here are some important examples that are particularly important for sales professionals.
What You Don’t Say
One example of paralanguage is the absence of language. Pauses and silence can say a lot about what you just said or what you’re about to say. Pausing after your prospect asks or answers a question tells them that you are listening.
Silence can also be used as a strategy. Remaining silent after a question, even if it makes you slightly uncomfortable, can get the other person talking. Silence can even be used to harm others, as when you give someone the silent treatment or respond to their comment with silence.
Paralingual Responses to Questions and Objections
Many of us have vocal tics that we must learn to overcome. Saying “um” and “uh” might be a habit, but it can communicate to others that you’re unsure of yourself.
Vocal tics can be especially problematic when you receive objections in sales, or when someone asks an unexpected question. You get a little nervous, and suddenly your vocal tics are popping up everywhere. Fair or not, this makes you appear untrustworthy.
Another common response to objections in sales is an increase in your rate of speech. It’s natural to talk faster when you get nervous, but it hurts sales. Studies show that sales associates at or below quota sped up their rate of speech when faced with an objection from 173 words per minute to 187 words per minute.
While this is a less than 10 percent increase, it is noticeable. When you increase your rate of speech, the perception is that you’re either not telling the truth or that you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Persuasion and Perceived Confidence
Paralanguage can do a lot to improve our persuasion capabilities. Attempts to persuade someone often backfire simply because, once someone knows we’re trying to persuade them, they fight against it. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that paralinguistic persuasion may be more successful.
When trying to be persuasive, speakers generally speak louder and with more variability in their volume. Speaking this way leads others to perceive them as having more confidence. Even when it is known that the speaker is trying to persuade his audience, the perceived confidence improves persuasion.
Perhaps you weren’t familiar with the term paralanguage before reading this, but we’re all adept at picking up on it. It’s the difference between hearing, “what did you say,” and knowing you need to repeat what you just said vs. hearing, “what did you say?” and knowing you should never again repeat what you just said. It’s how you hear fear or anger in someone’s voice even when their words are not fearful or angry.
Learning to pick up on the nuances of paralanguage in others, as well as practicing your own, can improve your skills as a sales professional. It’s not what you say—it’s how you say it.
Could you or your team use a sales communication refresher? Contact us at mastery@maestrogroup.co for information on workshops and consulting.
Get the Maestro Mastery Blog, straight to your inbox.
