You Wrote What?!

I once worked with someone who was a big fan of the question mark/exclamation mark combo. I’ll admit that it’s a handy punctuation tool for phrases of exasperation like, “Are you kidding me right now?!” or “Why would she do that?!” My co-worker, however, used it in phrases like, “Do you need help with the report?!” and “What’s your opinion?!”

A question mark with an exclamation point connotes an incredulous query. When I read it at the end of an innocuous question, I found it both baffling and hysterical. The tone didn’t match the words. And clearly my co-worker didn’t mean it the way I was reading it. How often are we miswriting or misreading tone in our written communication?

It turns out that many of us aren’t great at expressing tone, interpreting tone, or both. With our dependency on tools like texting, email, and Slack, this leads to a lot of stress, confusion, and angst in the workplace. What are we to do?!

BAD, BAD EMAIL

We’ve been writing this month about communication, and specifically about how important body language and vocal characteristics are in helping us communicate how we are feeling (or sometimes betraying our feelings). It’s no surprise, then, that written communication is more often misinterpreted since there’s no body language or vocal cues to read.

What’s interesting is that we don’t randomly misread emails. We almost always misread them the same wrong way—as being more negative than was intended. It’s called the “negative intensification bias” and describes the propensity for email recipients to read more negativity into the message or to exaggerate the smallest hint of negativity. 

Studies have found that:

• The bias is specific to the recipient of the email. Someone else reading the same email does not read it as being more negative (which means having someone else read an email before you send it as a litmus test doesn’t help counteract this bias).
• More negativity is read into the email when the sender is in a higher position of authority or rank than the recipient.
• Short, impersonal messages and those in which the sender is making a request are more likely to be read as negative.
• A lack of overtly negative features in the email was a poor predictor of recipients’ negative perceptions.

So, what does this mean? We are all both senders and recipients of emails. As recipients, it’s good to be aware that something we’re interpreting as a slight is likely not intended as such. As a sender, it helps to be more positive in your written communication than you might normally be when speaking to someone.

Incorporate more empathy into your email messages. Even if you don’t care how people feel, try to be more empathetic anyway. Why? Seventy percent of workers report that poor digital communication is a frequent barrier to doing their work and costs an average of four hours of wasted time per week. It pays to be nice.

TEXTESE AND CODE SWITCHING

You’ve likely heard the term “code switching” before as it applies to spoken language. The term encompasses all the ways we might speak differently in different groups. Code switching explains why I speak differently when conducting an interview than I do with my friends. It also explains why I say “oy vey” a lot more when I’m around my family than I do in my normal daily existence in a small southern town known for Bigfoot sightings and livermush.

For most of human history, code switching mostly applied to spoken language, and has mostly only been studied in relation to spoken language. Up until relatively recently, while you may have spoken in formal and informal settings, there was only one kind of writing—formal. You were writing a letter or a research paper. Committing something to writing demanded a certain level of formality.

Now that we can text and email so easily, we have an outlet for casual written language. Researchers have found that code switching not only applies to the groups we’re communicating in, but also the mode of communication we’re using. A period at the end of a written note looks normal. A period at the end of a text is often read as insincere or rude.

“Textese” has its own stylistic standards. Consider a written note on a post-it that says, “I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you about lunch. Please forgive me.” That sounds fine. A text saying the same thing sounds cold and stilted. You’re more likely to see, “I’m sooooo sorry I forgot to tell you about lunch. Please forgive me 🥲”

Am I saying you should text your clients a message like this? No. But I am saying that it’s important to be aware of the expectations attached to different formats. It can mean the difference of coming off as warm and friendly versus cold and insincere.

I can already hear someone lamenting the fact that young people are destroying the English language. Research has shown, however, that an increased use of textese correlates with higher scores on verbal reasoning ability tests.

EMOJIS?!

I will tell you up front that I do not have a yes or no answer for you where emojis are concerned. The results are mixed on whether to use emojis in B2B communication. You will find people that love emojis, but there are always some that can’t stand them.

Here is what I can tell you:

• Emojis can help you get the tone of your message across. Worried that a message to your employee might come off as negative? Add an emoji. Problem solved.
• Work emails with emojis are seen as friendlier by 87.7% of women and 73% of men.
• If someone is using emojis in their messages to you, you should feel free to use emojis back.
• Fifty-five percent of people believe that emojis have helped them avoid conflict or misunderstanding because they help convey tone.
• The first emoticon appeared in a magazine in 1881. (Not really helpful—just a fun fact.)
• Studies show that our brains react to emojis in the same way they do to faces.

WE’RE ALL A BIT CONFUSED

I’m not going to pretend we know all the rules when it comes to every form of written communication. There are some suggestions about communicating effectively that make intuitive sense. For example, nobody likes to wait a long time for a response to an email or text. Reply quickly, even if just to say that you have seen the message and will be focusing on a thorough response at such-and-such time.

Other suggestions have just as many advocates as they do critics. Use humor in your messages. No, don’t do that. Only 56 percent of people are able to correctly detect sarcasm in an email. Use an exclamation point to show that you’re friendly. But exclamation points have lost meaning because they are so overused. Plus, they can seem as unprofessional.

There is a Time article about the overuse of the exclamation point and how to avoid it. It suggests that instead of saying, “Thank you!” that you might consider, “That’s f@$%ing unbelievable.” Sure, because the same person that sneers at too many exclamation points will appreciate me dropping an f-bomb.

The article also suggests using emojis, a period after each word, or unexpected phrases like, “you’re a gem.” I can’t tell if they are being serious are sarcastic (because I’m apparently one of the 56% that can’t detect sarcasm is writing), but again, someone who doesn’t like my careless use of exclamation points would likely also look down on all these alternatives.

Next week I’ll be reviewing Erica Dhawan’s book, Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance. Hopefully she’ll be able to shed some light on best practices. So, tune in to next week’s blog. It. Will. Be. F@$%ing. Epic. 🔥

No exclamation points—nailed it.

Could you or your team use a sales communication refresher? Contact us at mastery@maestrogroup.co for information on workshops and consulting.